what i've done

This is the latest hitz from Linkin Park.I cant wait for thier album next month 15th!
If u want this song,buzz me on MSN. =)

new experience

Last nite,i went to Taman Connaught pasar malam alone after work coz i wanna shoot some pix.
Went to the bridge and sat there alone at the middle of the bridge,lot of strangers passed by and looked at me.
It's a strange feeling and at first i was nervous but knowing that i m not doing something wrong,so i just dont care what they think and continued to shoot.

the shooting place...



same pix.high contrast.



I was there for an hour fifthteen minutes.Even myself was shocked that i was there for that long!Took around 80+ pix and this is the one like the most.. =)



B&W...something is not right with this pix.Hmm... it seems like the pasar malam part is too bright.Tried to adjust with PS but this is the best i can do.PS noob. =)



It's a new experience for me and i m lovin' it. =) u should try it too!

Mmm..btw..ya,i like B&W and high contrast pix..


Ok,now some unrelated random pix..

do u have depression?



are u searching for the right Queen?



this was taken at =8) birthday party




Hmm..there are not much pix,really wish i have more time to shoot. =(

Oh ya,here are 2 more pix which i took with my old cam last time. =)

non-edit



edited brightness and contrast.I know the captions a bit potong but erm...i like it. =D




Thanks for viewing! =)

random pix taken with 50mm

Alrite,since i got the lens yesterday i've been non-stop takin pix with the lens.Not very satisfy with my skill and there are so many to improve.But the lens is just awesome.Very. =)
Here are some of the pix taken with the 50mm lens,please bear with the not-so-nice pix...Again,Mr Noob in da house. =)

Jason,the first victim for my new lens.He came to my shop just after i got the lens so yea..shoot him! =)



This is where i had my breakfast this morning.Kopitiam Section 14,PJ.When i reached that time there are not much people. =)



And here are two pix of a cat which i took this mornin while i was havin breakfast.
Yes,i LIKE cat actually. =)
Hmm oh ya,i normally call a cat as "Mi-el" in cantonese but some frens told me it's actually called "Mau".One of my friend will keep laughing everytime when she hear i say "Mi-el Mi-el".Hmm..how do u call a cat in cantonese?

I think the cat must be posing when i point my camera to...him?(i think it's a him.Gua.)


Ok,lets just assume the cat is a male lar.




Hmm...sorry but i have to say again that the 50mm lens is really good!Awesome!I m lovin' it!
It's actually a good lens for potrait shoot.I've taken some potrait of my friends but i m yet to ask them permission to post it here and i m still finding people to be my victim! =)
So yea...anyone?


=)

Canon EF 50mm f1.8

Finally got my new lens yesterday! =) It's the Canon most affordable lens and the best lens i would say in it's price range.I m still learning and playing around to take more nice pix.I m lovin' it. =)

Some pix of my baby's new baby..





=)

Nokia E65 product shoot

A few hours after i bought my new camera,i tried and did my very own first product shoot with a D.I.Y-ed light tent.I made the light tent even before i bought my new camera. =)
So yea,here are some of the pix.Sorry for the blurness,i m still figuring out what's the best solution to resize my pix without losing much of the quality(Thanks a million Rames!) and the lens i m using really limited my shooting options. =(


Anyway,here are some pix of the Nokia latest E-series model,E65.











and this is the D.I.Y light tent i made.Ugly huh?




Oh ya,if anyone interested with this phone the current retail price as on 3rd April 07 is RM1720.Currently available in Red or Mocca colours and it comes with;
-Battery
-T.Charger
-USB Cable
-256MB Micro SD
-Case
-Etc...


=)

flowers

Alrite,here are some flowers pix which i took on the 2nd day after i bought my new camera.Those flowers are planted by my Dad's at outside the house. =)
Sorry for the not-so-nice effect,just bear with it aite.Mr Noob in da house. =)









and this one,my very first PS-ed effect pix. =)




Hmm...i just realised the 3rd and 4th pix are almost the same.See,told u i m noob!

More pix coming soon.Many thanks!

=)

i m back

Hi everyone..

It's almost 2 months ago since i last updated my blog.Hmm..but i m back again.(i guess) =)
Thanks to my new camera,Canon 350D.Got it few days ago and i took some pictures...so yea.i m back to blogging WITH more picture this time.

Hmm..i was planning to create a new blog AGAIN but end up,i stick back to this loussy blog.I deleted a lot of old entries rubbish and revamped a bit.I still Keeping all the lyrics entries and a few of the entries which i dont feel like..erm..delete it yet.Maybe.
As u can see,i've finally put the shoutbox AGAIN in my blog.It was there before for a few days then i removed it and now i put it in AGAIN.Don't ask me why.I do not know.But as usual i always makes stupid decision.
I know the shoutbox look a bit weird with it's giant size but hmm...i like it that way.Again,dont ask why.

So u guys spam it aite. =)

Btw,i would like to say sorry to all my friends for my recent moody-emo-stupid-silent-attitude.I really appreciated for all the advises.
Hmm..i m gonna be fine aite. =) My sincere apology and thanks to u guys!


=)

berhenti berharap

Berhenti Berharap

Aku tak percaya lagi
Dengan apa yang kau beri
Aku terdampar disini
Tersudut menunggu mati

Aku tak percaya lagi
Akan guna matahari
Yang dulu mampu terangi
Sudut gelap hati ini

Aku berhenti berharap
Dan menunggu datang gelap
Sampai nanti suatu saat
Tak ada cinta kudapat

Kenapa ada derita
Bila bahagia tercipta
Kenapa ada sang hitam
Bila putih menyenangkan

Reff : Aku pulang ..... tanpa dendam
Kuterima kekalahanku
Aku pulang.... tanpa dendam
Kusalutkan kemenanganmu

Kau ajarkan aku bahagia
Kau ajarkan aku derita
Kau tunjukkan aku bahagia
Kau tunjukkan aku derita
Kau berikan aku bahagia
Kau berikan aku derita

Reff :...

Rebahkan tangguhmu
Lepaskan perlahan
KAu akan mengerti, semua...
------

Dapatkan Lagu Ini DISINI!

*pix googled

ching wing lok (love woes) - justin lo

That's right we've broken up, abided by your needs.
Lover isn't like me, we've too little personal space for each other.
Broke up again, I could only give a bitter smile.
Loving each other is like a game, which we know too little.

*In retrospect my injuries from first love were deeper,
Understand that unceasing tears will flow.
I don't mind to get my heart hurt a few times more,
Most afraid that my heart will get numb.
Though it hurts, I'm grateful. (I feel relieved)

After leaving you, my remaining life doesn't seem that long.
From then on I'm not even sure how I breath.
Still exist on earth, what more can I face?
With ten slaps, then I'll be able to remember the pain.
After leaving you, I have gained tremendously.
After putting in effort, need not ask about causes and effects.
Leaving without reasons, what for actually?
All because to allow you to love another one.*

Bumping into love again, should I be happy?
Falling in love is sacred, we shouldn't open our eyes.

Repeat*

After leaving you, my remaining life doesn't seem that long.
From then on I'm not even sure how I breath.
Still exist on earth, what more can I face?
With ten slaps, then I'll be able to remember fondly.
If there is only one couple allowed in this world,
Though thinking of you, I have plenty other choices.
Leaving without reasons, what for actually?
All because to allow me to love another one.
Break up every time, in fact what do we learn? Does it help after all?
-----

Like the song?Lets sing it!

Moot Choh Fan Sau Liu On Nei Dik Sui Yiu
Ching Yan Wan Mei Chi Ngoh Bei Chi Hung Gaan Tai Siu
Yau Joi Fan Sau Liu Ngoh Ya Dak Foo Siu
Tam Ching Yue Jeung Yau Hei Dung Dak Dik Jan Tai Siu


*Wooi Mong Ngoh Wai Liu Choh Luen Dik Seung Sai Bei Gau Sam
Ming Bak Ngan Lui Wooi Bat Duen Dei Man Yau Seung Doh Gei Chi Sam
Bat Gan Yiu Jui Pa Ma Muk Liu Ngoh Dik Sam
Wooi Seung Gam Ngoh Ya Gam Yan (Yik Fong Sam)

Lei Hoi Nei Yi Hau Fong Chi Yu Sang Mou Doh
Chung Chi Jam Foo Kap Ya Dou Bat Sam Ching Choh
Ying Chuen Joi Sai Seung Wan Nang Min Dui Sam Moh
Pang Sap Ba Jeung Si Ngoh Gei Dak Tung Choh

Lei Hoi Nei Yi Hau Si Ngoh Wok Yik Leung Doh
Foo Chut Liu Yi Hau Wing Bat Bit Man Yan Gwoh
Mou Yuet Moot Goo Bit Lei Kei Sat Wai Liu Sam Moh
Chuen Wai Liu Jun Hui Nei Joi Oi Yat Goh

Yau Pung Do Oi Ching Ngoh Yau Gei Go Hing
Taam Ching Yuen Si San Sing Bat Ying Jeung Hoi Ngaan Jing

repeat *

Lei Hoi Nei Yi Hau Fong Chi Yu Saang Mou Doh
Chung Chi Jam Foo Kap Ya Dou Bat Sam Ching Choh
Ying Chuen Joi Sai Seung Waan Nang Min Dui Sam Moh
Pang Sap Ba Jeung Si Ngoh Waai Nim Gik Ching Choh

Yue Gwoh Jeh Sai Seung Ji Pooi Ching Lui Yat Goh
Jik Si Han Seung Nei Ngoh Dik Suen Jaak Han Doh
Mou Yuen Moot Goo Bit Lei Kei Sat Wai Liu Sam Moh
Chuen Wai Liu Jun Hui Ngoh Joi Oi Yat Goh

Mooi Chi Ya Sat Luen Kei Sat Hok Dou Sam Moh
Nang Fau Yau Bong Joh
-----

Get the song here!
*picture googled

i don't love you

alrite,lyric again. =)
anyone like this song?

I Don't Love You - My Chemical Romance

Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday
-------


Like this song?

>Download here!< ( Valid untill 10th Feb 07 )

眼泪 (Yan Lei) (Tears)

Can someone pls translate the meaing into English? =)
Any help will be much appreciated!Thanks in advance...

青春若有张不老的脸
qing chun ruo you zhang bu lao de lian
但愿她永远不被改变
dan yuan ta yong yuan bu bei gai bian
许多梦想总编织太美
xu duo meng xiang zong bian zhi tai mei
跟着迎接幻灭
gen zhe ying jie huan mie
爱上你是最快乐的事
ai shang ni shi zui kuai le de shi
却也换来最痛苦的悲
que ye huan lai zui tong ku de bei
苦涩交错爱的甜美
ku se jiao cuo ai de tian mei
我怎样都学不会
wo zen yang dou xue bu hui
ha......
oh 眼泪
oh yan lei
眼泪都是我的体会
yan lei dou shi wo de ti hui
成长的滋味
cheng zhang de zi wei
oh 眼泪
oh yan lei
忍住眼泪不让你看见
ren zhu yan lei bu rang ni kan jian
我在改变
wo zai gai bian
孤单的感觉
gu dan de gan jue
你从不曾发现
ni cong bu ceng fa xian
我笑中还有泪
wo xiao zhong hai you lei
oh 眼泪
oh yan lei
眼泪流过无言的夜
yan lei liu guo wu yan de ye
心痛的滋味
xin tong de zi wei
oh 眼泪
oh yan lei
擦干眼泪忘掉一切
ca gan yan lei wang diao yi qie
曾有的眷恋
ceng you de juan lian
眼泪是苦
yan lei shi ku
眼泪是伤悲
yan lei shi shang bei
眼泪都是你
yan lei dou shi ni
眼泪是甜
yan lei shi tian
眼泪是昨天
yan lei shi zuo tian
眼泪不流泪
yan lei bu liu lei
--------


*I googled the meaning and this is what i got. =)

Youthfulness if so do not want the old 臉 Hopefully, she will always must not be changed many dreams total weaving beautiful follow greet the disillusionment, falling in love with you was the most cheerful things are happening also in return the most painful tragedy bitterness and astringency staggered love the soft and mellifluous me how to have be learned ha ...... oh tears tears are I have come to realize the growth of taste of oh tears hold back the tears, will not let you see that I have in changing a feeling of loneliness, or feeling of you has ever found I both laugh and there 淚 oh tears to tears and-off of wordless Night heartbreaking taste of oh tears to dry their tears forget the whole account of sentimentally attached to tears is bitter, tears is find a tears are you tears was sweet tears yesterday tears not shed tears only in

a silly story to tell.kapchai story

first of all..wohoo...finally i m updating my blog again.ahaha.. :P

ok,this story happened a few years back,when i was studying in form 4.
went to yumcha wit my buddies yesterday n suddenly we talked abt it and we felt tat it's quite a silly n funny thing we did!haha..so,i decided to post this up and share wit u guys. =P

ok here it goes...

When i was studying secondary school,i got no transport.Everywhere i wan to go i need to take those stupid-useless-not-so-convenient public transport.
One day,my close buddy(Aaron) got a motorcycle from his dad.Err...actually he curi curi pakai only.It was a quite old motorcycle.The model is err...Suzuki duno wat 70.If i not mistaken lar,i only remember its a quite a buruk wun.
So,from tat day we alwiz go lepak n round round wit the kapcai.Well u can imagine it,u got no transport then suddenly got a kapcai.huulaaa..apa lagi?hehe..but no no,we are not rempits okeh? "-__-

On one nite,while we was long kai-ing wit the kapcai...we hv no idea where to go as we went to a lot of places edy in the few weeks after we got the kapcai.
Then,suddenly my buddy came out wit an idea.

Me : Oi,bored lar...where to go?
My buddy : Err...wat abt PD?
Me : WHAT?PD?u mean Port Dickson??
My buddy : Yeah
Me : OMG.Tats dem far away okeh?And u want to to there wit this motor buruk?
My buddy : No,it's not that far.Follow da highway i think can reach in 45min like tat only.*he trying hard to persuade me*
Me : U sure ah?can reach meh?
My buddy : Can la..lets go lar.Nowhere to go!
Me : Err...Ok la,lets go!!

**FYI,we both doesnt have lisence.yes,not even L.And...the kapcai no roadtax wun."-_-

So,we departed from Serdang at around 12midnite+...
After abt 10min journey where we was on the highway,suddenly it started raining!
Oh shit...but luckily it was only drizzling.Then,we stopped under a fly over as we want to wear raincoat.OMG,my buddy told me tat there's only 1 raincoat raincoat wit lotsa hole n koyak koyak wun.
So,he worn it n we shared the raincoat.Imagine,he ride the kapcai and i hug him from behind to avoid hit by the rain.It's pain okeh.

Half of the journey,we xchange place and it's my turn to ride the kapcai.
OMG,when we reach the highway...err sowie i duno wats the name of the highway but u know wat?It was totally dark as there's no lamp post at all on the highway!*ask Mr Samy abt this okeh?*
The lamp from the kapcai is absolutely not bright enuf.We need to follow the side line on the highway which is in white color to see the direction.No kiddin okeh.
So dark,so cold and so scary.But somehow,we felt it was kinda fun.hehehe..still small mah tat time. =P

Okeh,we finally reached PD in abt an hour.When we reached PD town,OMG..it's even more scary.The whole town no ppl wun.The only place got ppl is at the police station.
We wanted to piss.Very kap.But no toilet.We beh tahan,stopped at a place on the roadside and then only we realised we are standing nex to an empty shop...look very scary also.But we dun care abt it...all we want is pisssss...The wind is blowing at the speed 25km/h quite heavy at tat time.It was very cold.
While we was pissing,all a sudden we heard "woofff,woffff!!wofffff!!"*dogs barking*

OMFG.We was shocked like mad.Sumore we are pissing okeh.Then we looked around...and looked around..but wadefuk,we din see any dogs!! "-_______-
Without think twice,we ran to our kapcai and zappppp away.I even nothcet zip my pant.....

Then,we went to the beach.We parked on the roadside again and we realised sumthing...
Sumthing tat made us laughed at ourself like shit.
We found a brand new raincoat in the kapcai basket which was hidden under some old newspaper!!
OMG,we all the way from Serdang wit a raincoat buruk tat we both shared...and we found this brand new raincoat after we reached there.Yes,it's a brand new wun.OMG.We juz cant stop laughing at our stupidness...hahaha

Since it was very cold tat time,we both wear the raincoat and decided to walk to the beach.As we walking towards the beach we saw a lot of torch lights flashing on the floor and as we walk nearer,all the lights gone.And seconds later we saw a group of peoples running away.
We have no idea wat happen and seeing they all running away,me and my buddy also doubt tat wheter we shld walk further thinking of maybe they saw shark or pirate or robber or ghost and bla bla bla...
So we faster walk back to our kapcai.

Me : Eh,why tell all run away huh?
My buddy : I dont know le,so weird!
Me : What they doin there wit thier torch light?
My buddy : Maybe they want to collect those cockle/shellfish thingy?
Me : Hmm....maybe they saw us in our raincoat,look like those pegawai or guard and want to halau them huh?
My buddy : Hahahaha!!Maybe!!

kekekek...we never knew wats the reason..but i think we might hv scared them wit our raincoat tat made us look like guard. =P aha!

So..there's nothing much to do in PD.After we lepak for a while,we decided to go back.It was around 2am+ if i not mistaken.
RM3 petrol tat we fueled up b4 we departed from Serdang is finishing.
So we went to search for petrol station nearby.We found one not long after that.
When we reach the petrol station,we saw a guy(a bangladesh) sleeping on a chair.He's the only person we saw so i came down from kapcai and walk to him as we want to pay money and fill the petrol.

Me : Bang...
Bangladesh : ZZzzZZZzzzz
Me : Bang...(Louder)
Bangladesh : ZZzzzzzZZZzzz
Me : Halo Bang!Mau isi petrol bang!(quite loud)
Bangladesh : ZzzzzzZZZzzz
*Since no response,i pat oh his shoulder.A few times.Guess wat?NO RESPONSE AT ALL OKEH!!watdefuk,is he dead?OMG.We want to fill petrol wei.
Then my fren came over wit kapcai and we decided to use the kapcai hon to wake him up.

Kapcai : BINNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!! *sound from the horn*
Bangladesh : ZZzzZZZZzzzzZZZZz "-__-

While we trying to wake him up,suddenly a police patrol car coming in to the petrol station.

Me : Oh SHIT.Police car!!Lets go!

We have no license,no roadtax and i think we do look suspicios.Haha.So,we start the engine and zaaapppppppppp.....

Thank God they din chase us,i think they wan to fill petrol as well.
We wonder how the police gonna wake up the bangladesh.
But who cares?We must keep zaaaping wei.Haha...

Then,we saw another petrol station at the opposite side from the bangladesh station.So we made a u-turn and thank God there are few ppls and the person who take care of the station is not sleeping.Fuh...
So we faster fill up the petrol as we affraid the patrol car will come to this petrol station also if they cant wake up the bangladesh.hahaha

Okeh,petrol fueled up and we are ready to start the journey back home.
When we are leaving the town suddenly my buddy saw the signboard wit the direction to Malacca...

My buddy : Hey,lets go to Malacca?It's not far from here!*pointing his finger at the signboard*
*i forgot how far is Malacca stated on the signboard from PD but err...not tat to far i think.IF by car*
Me : Woi,gila kah!!No no lets go home!!
My buddy : ....ok ok...

So Malacca plan is OFF and we continue our journey.It was around 3am if i not mistaken when we are on the highway.It's even colder,darker and lagi scary!No car weh!!
After abt 20min like tat it was my turn to ride the kapcai.
Full throttle,we are riding the kapcai at top speed...80km/h. -__-
During the journey,i shaked like shit at times cuz it was really sooo cold.
While i was riding the kapcai trying to concentrate on the road,suddenly i saw some flashing light from the right side mirror.Those like ambulance flashing light u know?
The light is coming slowly from behind...and we are still riding 80km/h.
We wonder wat car is that.is it a police patrol car?On no not again pls...
Few moments later,the car is next to us.
It's van...
A van tat...carrying..corpse..
It's those van tat carry malay corpse.They call it VAN MAYAT.
*true story okeh.NO JOKES or story making.*

....

My buddy : dont see dont see,juz go ahead..
Me : *SHAKING* yes i m affraid okeh.

Then,i try to go faster as the van is crusing at the same speed wit us.The van is next to us for abt a min b4 i gave up and go slower instead of trying to go faster.It's impossible jor okeh?

What make us scary like mad is...we saw a malay lady in tudung inside the van.
She's most prolly sitting next to the coffin...and she look down all the way.
The van is fully covered wit it's body but there's a small window at the back,and tat's where we saw the lady.
Finally,the van is slowly dissapear as i slowed down the kapcai.
OMG.I m a free thinker but tat time i we was dem takut okeh?Sumore wit the cold weather and the blowing wind... "+__+

Not long after the incident,we changed turn to ride the kapcai.I beh tahan wit the coldnessssss jor.


will update when i m free..hehe

a story of mine

A year ago,i posted a story of mine in my old blog,and today...i think it's time for the ending part.The ending tat i think no one would like it to be.If all this was a movie,i wish tat i m the director.I dont want to be the actor in this kind of movie.A sad movie u'll say?But perhaps this is the movie tat i can gain some very good experience before i can be the director and make a good movie wit good ending.

This is the story i posted before,

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry coz this is too long but i already tried to make it shorter.
Feel free to read. =`)

I started pak toh wit my ex when i was 15(form 3).Got to know her when she moved from KL to my school.Everything went smooth as there's no objection from both of our families as well.We're so happy being together.

5 years and 3 months after that...few months after my ex started working,she got to know new frens and...a guy also.A guy who might be better than me.
I din know abt it untill i found tat she's a bit weird and and she started to treat me so cold.I called her best fren and begged her to tell me wat's wrong wit my ex and finally she told me abt it.I m speechless,i only cried.I talked to my ex parent abt it and cried infront of them but they told me nothin can be done as she's already changed.They cant change her mind.

Yes,she changed.A lot.She's so cruel to me...at last,she asked to end our relationship.It happened on 15th Of Febuary.
For the 1st time in my life i felt i've been hurt so deeply...
Not sure wheter i m stupid,i begged my ex to come back to me and that i'll forgive for wat she has done.
She said no.
And she told me she arent with tat guy but she wan more freedom tats y she wan to leave me.
She's not the gal who i've been together wit for the past 5 years.Almost 360 degree changed.
I tried all my best to keep the relationship but nothin better i can do.

I was totally down,din go to work for 2 days n juz stayed in my room b4 my dad scolded me.
Well,i know tat life goes on...but with a badly wounded heart.Tear is my close fren since then.

I missed her so much,a few months after we broke off i tried to call her...the 1st time i called i din talk,i just heard her voice for a few seconds...i duno wat to say.She din know it's me cuz i called to her house number so there's no caller ID.
But guess wat?She called me back and ask wheter it is me who made the call.
Then,i admit and we started to chat.After tat day,we'll call each other once in a while...untill 1 day,while we was talking on the phone she suddenly cried...so i asked her why?She told me tat she's so regret for what she has done to me.
She even told me tat she's hoping we can start it all over again.
I din answer,i juz cried...(well i admit tat after we broke off i became so weak and i cry easily)
I duno why i din wan to answer her...and wat's even weird is i started to hate her.
Why?Why let all this happened and regret now?

So,she said she'll wait for my answer.Still,we do keep contact but not too often.Everytime she'll ask wheter i've made up my mind to answer her."Don't know" is the only answer i gave her all the time.
Another few months has passed and she seems cant wait and told me tat she's suffering...i really duno wat to do,so i told her tat i'll give her the answer on my birthday.Actually i juz simply said it cuz i cant get the answer for her.

On my birthday,i was drunk badly and i forgot abt it...she oso din call so i juz assumed tats ok...

As i m bein single,i got nothin much to do and spend most of my time chilling out wit frens.So,i got to know a gal from my fren.She's quite a nice person and we went out often after we know each other closer.
Human can fall in love easily...i guess.Tats wat happened to me and the gal.
So,we got together after that.

Human is sumtime weird...unlucky,sellfish and unexplained.I guess i am.

When i suppose to love her as a bf,i did not.
When i suppose to forget abt my ex and start a new relationship wit this gal,i cant.
When i suppose to feel happy,i keep thinking abt the sad things.
When i suppose to do better for this new relationship,i broke it.
This time,i've been cruel.I'm sorry.

The above is wat i did when i m wit the gal.We broke off abt 3months after we got together.It's me who called it quit.
I made the desicion cuz whenever i m wit her i'll think abt my ex...i alwiz compare her wit my ex and i thk of my ex even more than b4 i m wit this gal.
I feel guitly n lost...so i juz gave up.
I din say broke off wit her or even tell her the reason...we juz ended like tat.

So,after i ended the relationship...i wish to start it over wit my 1st ex.
After this all happened,i realised tat she's the 1 i love the most and i cant forget abt her...
I wana get back to her and i really hope everything will be fine,no more pain and that i can find back all the happines tat have been missing for quite sumtime.
I really hope for that.

So,I contact back wit my 1st ex...and this time,she told me tat she's movin to JB to further her study and said she dowan to think of relationship now as she wan to concentrade on her study.
Is God is playin me??Tats wat i alwiz ask...

But nvm,i hv gone this far....i cant give up this time,i told myself tat i'll do wateva to change her mind not to move to JB and accept me back.

Time passed so fast,she went to JB and i cant make her stay or even accept me...
It's hurt to know tat she's so far away now...
I told her i'll wait for her....wait untill she finish her study and come back.
She said juz let the fate to decide for us.

Maybe once in a month,she'll be back in KL.She promised will call me wheneva she's back.She did.
Abt 4 months ago,like usual she came back and we went out.
I was so surprised tat the day turned to be a very very happy day for me cuz we're seems so close,juz like when we was together last time.We did hold hand... :)

The next day,she's goin back to JB again...i m so sad but we'll contact thru ICQ or phone call sumtime.
I know things is getting better for us...tats so sweet.

A few days after tat,i asked her wheter we're back together.

She : Im sorry but...i think i wont be meeting u anymore
Me : Why??
She: My boyfriend doesnt like me to meet u...

............

Me : Why u lied to me....?
She : It's u who make things worst,u never call me to give me the answer as u promised to do so on ur birthday! *did i really make things worst?*
Me: Yes it was my fault but i really forgot cuz i was drunk on tat nite...
She : STOP giving me excuses!
Me : Excuses??I m telling u the truth!And u did not call me as well?why?

I've been cheated n cheated n cheated.....

She told me tat she already knew her new bf BEFORE she went to JB,b4 tat her bf is working in KL when she got to know him.

She has been telling me all the lies all this while!!
Bcoz....

The guy is from JB,he went back to JB few months b4 my ex decided to go to JB to further her study....
My ex wanted to go JB to study bcoz of this guy....
And i was too dumb,i neva expected she'll cheat me...i was so so so so stupid.

I begun to hate myself for still loving her...i juz cant control.
It's already 1 year and 6 months after we broke up.So much things happened.
Sumtimes it's really like a movie playin back in my mind all the past memories.
My heart feel damn pain...u know,when u wan to cry but u cant.. ur heart will start to feel tat pain.Real pain.

I did not contact wit her anymore...perhaps i'll never again.
All this things tat happened caused a very weird feeling for me.
I duno wheter i hate her or not.
I dun cry nowadays,but the pain is worsen.
Maybe this time i was wounded internally...

Only sweet memories and pain left now....

Since then,i asked a lot of ppls how to overcome this feeling...
Many told me tat if i can share my problems wit others it might help a lil bit.
I've been hurt so so so much.I need a super medicine.
So i decided to write abt my story and post it here to share wit everyone..
By sharing my problems wit others it does helped me to reduce my
sadness. =`)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This is the story i wrote a year ago.
And today,i got to know tat my ex...she's pregnant.My fren saw her yesterday and juz now she buzz me on MSN and asked me wheter i still contact wit her nowadays.
About 1 month+ ago,after a long long time that i din contact wit her,i sent her a sms to ask how is she doing.I was extremely shocked when she told me tat she's already married and hope tat i wont sms her anymore as she dont want her husband to have any misunderstanding.

.....

And today..my fren told me tat she's pregnant.

It's 2years+ since we had separated.It's not long and not short as well...but,i really never expected tat all this thing will happen in such a short period.
I m sad not bcoz tat she's married now and i got no chance as i m already accept tat she's no longer the girl that i loved before and nothing can be change at this stage...
It's bcoz...now i knew that i m totally forgotten by her.
And realising that things is changing very fast...i start to affraid that i can't adapt to this situation.
I dont know how to explain better,so many things has happened lately...
Right now,i just feel like being alone..and reminiscing..i know it's not right but,tats wat i feel like doin.
I dont want to be a director nor an actor at this moment,i just want to be the audience.

Sorry if i m neglecting anyone and if you are one of them....i m really sorry.

I m so lost that i need so much time to get back on track..It's not only about relationship but my work,future and...everything.Things is not goin so well and as i wished.


Thanks for spending time to read.

退后 | Tui Hou | Stepping Back

Let the lyric says it all. =) This is wat a lazy blogger do...


退后 | Tui Hou | Stepping Back - 周杰倫


天空灰得像哭过
tian kong hui de xiang ku guo
The sky is so gray that it looks like it just cried

离开你以后
li kai ni yi hou
After leaving you

並沒有更自由
bing mei you gen zi you
(I) did not regain more freedom

酸酸的空氣
suan suan de kong qi
(From) the air

嗅出我们的距离
xiu chu wo men de ju li
(I) smelt our distance


一幕锥心的结局
yi mu zui xin de jie ju
A heart breaking ending

像呼吸般无法停息
xiang hu xi ban wu fa ting xi
is continuous just like breathing

抽屉泛黄的日记
chou ti fan huang de ri ji
The yellowing diary lied in the drawer

榨乾了回憶
zha gan le hui yi
(had) pressed dried [our] memories

那笑容是夏季
na xiao rong shi xia ji
That smile is summer


你我的过去
ni wo de guo qu
Our past

被順時針的忘记
bei shun shi zhen de wang ji
Has been forgotten as time goes by

缺氧过后的爱情
que yang guo hou de ai qing
Love after anoxia (lack of oxygen)

粗心的眼泪是多余
cu xin de yan lei shi duo yu
Careless tears are unnecessary


我知道你我都没有错
wo zhi dao ni wo dou mei you cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

只是忘了怎么退后
zhi shi wang le ze me tui hou
We just forgot how to step back

信誓旦旦给了承诺
xin shi dan dan gei le cheng nuo
We made promises to each other with confidence

却被时间扑了空
que bei shi jian pu le kong
Yet it has been emptied by time


我知道我们都没有错
wo zhi dao wo men dou mei cuo
I know that the fault is not in either one of us

只是放手会比较好过
zhi shi fang shou hui bi jiao hao guo
It's just that letting go would make things easier

最美的爱情回忆里待續
zui mei de ai qing hui yi li dai xu
The most beautiful love is to be continued in [my] memory

BK Love - MC Sniper

Do you know how I feel?
Those days when I really thought about you
But as my feelings for you grew
Things only got harder for me
I could only shake in the fire
Now, I'm tired and I don't have the confidence to see you
I show my back to you, like a coward
I hate the fact that I want to run away
But I found out too late
When I found out I liked you
Everything changed miserable me
I lost the strength and confidence to talk to you
But I just thought it would good
I was so stupid
I didn't know it would be this hard
I found out too late

All this probably seems like an explanation to you
But my love is only you
I just wish you would know this
There is no person that can love you as much as I do

There's no more pain for me who's watching you leave
I can't let go of the love that's ended I can't cry in sadness baby please

My friend's wet, tired voice is in my mind
The love story that ended in an unexpected way
My friend's hurt and sadness I can't understand
I'm singing for it's too hard to soothe him
For the girl that was like a petal and that you truly loved
The love that you prepared alone for so long
The tears you shed to make that one flower blossom
Couldn't face the light and became a handful of sand released
Spending so many days and nights with a sigh
The hard decision made at the last minute
The hard decision made for her and you Your love's final end
Someday, the unachieved love between you two
Will meet as two lights in the sky
That draw lines in the sky as shooting stars
In the next life, I wish for your love to be achieved

My friend still loves her
But my friend is leaving for that girl
I can't breathe when I think of this as love
Maybe that's why my friend is still crying

There's no more pain for me who's watching you leave
I can't let go of the love that's ended I can't cry in sadness baby please


Download >> BK Love - MC Sniper (Korean)

i m so sick of this...

of this song... =P


Gotta change my answering machine
Now that i'm alone
Cuz right now its says that we
Can't come to the phone
And i know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But its the only way i hear your voice anymore
[its ridiculous]
its been months
And for some reason i just
[cant get over us]
And i'm stronger then this
[enough is enough]
No more walkin' round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Crying over you

And im so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
so why cant i turn off the radio?

[ the best part of this song ]
Gotta fix that calender i have
Thats mark March 10
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
Im so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds
Of what used to be
That's the reason

I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said i'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why cant i turn off the radio?

[leave me alone]
Leave me alone
[stupid love songs]
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio

Cuz im so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why cant i turn off the radio
[why cant i turn off the radio]

Said i'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said im so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why cant i turn off the radio
[why cant i turn off the radio]

And im so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said i'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't i turn off the radio
[why cant i turn off the radio]
Why cant i turn off the radio

Let U Go - Ashley Parker Angel

Let U Go

Broken promises
But you don't really mind
It's not the first time , and you know it
Don't you know
Tell me why it is - you only smile inside
But when you break me , into nothing
Don't you know

It's not like I haven't tried - over and over again
Stupid fights, wrong or right
Goodbye

[Chorus:]
I remember when - you came with me that night
We said forever, that you would never let me go
But here I am again
With nothing left inside
Know I don't wanna
But I gotta let you go

You're the one mistake I really didn't mind
So beautiful, unmerciful
It took me down
Too little and too late
See now I know your kind
You fake it easy just to please me
Don't you know

It's not like we haven't tried over and over again
Sleepless nights, wrong or right
Goodbye

[Chorus]

I gotta let you go
It's you
There's nothing I can do

[Chorus]


Download >> Let U Go - Ashley Parker Angel

Cos' I Love You - North

Wuuhooo!I m so happy le!Finally i got the song which i've been searching for few months!Seriously i tried sooo many ways to find this song and i think i asked not less than 20 ppls for this song.I dont know why but i just like this song when i 1st heard it on Hitz FM...
A big thanks for my fren,Mei Mei for this song.Spend u makan okie!Hehe

Alrite,since this is a nice song so i wanna share wit u guys.Hehe...Hope u guys like it. =`)

Cos' I Love You - North

[Verse 1]

I was walking down the street
Didnt know who I would meet
But you were there
I couldnt understand
You were looking straight at me
Did you think I couldnt see
That was yesterday and you're all I thought of since

[Pre-Chorus]

Why did I just look away
Like I'd nothing more to say
I've been waiting for this day
And never thought you'd come my way
Here alone all by myself
Had no thoughts of someone else
But the moment that I saw you I just knew
I would love you

[Chorus]

I believe, you and me
We were always meant to see
That the day you walked into my life was the start of everything
Could it be,
You and me
One for all eternity
Looking back it seems so clear
Nothing could change
Cos I love you

[Breakdown]

Cos I love you baby
And I knew from the moment that I saw you
Yeah
I will always love you


[Verse 2]

Going crazy in my mind
Need to find you one more time
Then I can see
If we were meant to be
Fate has brought us to this place
There is still so much to face
But today's the day
It's the start of everything

[Pre-Chorus]

Once again we're apart
Never knew it'd be so hard
But this distance that's between us
Makes us stronger in our hearts
Here alone all by myself
Have no thoughts of no-one else
Cos the moment that I saw you I just knew
I will love you

[Chorus] x 3

I believe, you and me
We were always meant to see
That the day you walked into my life was the start of everything
Could it be,
You and me
One for all eternity
Looking back it seems so clear
Nothing could change
Cos I love you


Download the song here >> Cos' I Love You - North

Enjoy~

安靜 | An Jing | Silence

安靜 | An Jing | Silence

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天
Zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo tan le yi tian
Only the piano accompanies me throughout the day

睡著的大提琴
Shui jiao de da ti qin
The sleeping cello

安靜的舊舊的
An Jing de jiu jiu de
Quiet and so old

我想你已表現的非常明白
Wo xiang ni yi biao xian de fei chang ming bai
I think you've made yourself clear

我懂我也知道
Wo dong wo ye zhi dao
I know and I'm sure

你沒有捨不得
Ni mei you she bu de
You don't regret

你說你也會難過我不相信
Ni shuo ni ye hui nan guo wo bu xiang xin
You say you're upset too, that I don't believe

牽著你陪著 我也只是曾經
Qian zhe ni pei zhe wo ye zhi shi cheng jin
You being with me was in the past

希望他是真的比我還要愛你
Xi wang ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni
I hope he loves you more than I do

我才會逼自己離開
wo cai hui bi zi ji li kai
Only then will I bring myself to leave

Chorus

你要我說多難堪
Ni yao wo shuo duo nan kan
You want me to say it, but it is awkward

我根本不想分開
Wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai
I don't even want to break up

為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
Wei she me hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo
Why must I depend on a smile to tide me through?

我沒有這種天份
Wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen
I don't have the ability

包容你也接受他
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta
To accept both you and him

不用擔心的太多
Bu yong dan xin de tai duo
Don't worry too much

我會一直好好過
Wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo
I'll still be fine

你已經遠遠離開
Ni yi jin yuan yuan li kai
You've already gone far away

我也會慢慢走開
Wo ye hui man man zou kai
And I will slowly walk away

為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
Wei she me wo lian fen kai dou qian jiu zhe ni
Why is it that I have to accommodate you even when [we] break up?

我真的沒有天份
Wo zhen de mei you tian fen
I really don't have the ability

安靜的沒這麼快
An jing de mei zhe me kuai
Staying silent doesn't come so fast

我會學著放棄你
Wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni
I will learn to give you up

是因為我太愛你
Shi ying wei wo tai ai ni
Because I love you so much

痛徹心扉 (a wound in the heart)

痛徹心扉

回憶充滿整個房子
我們的住處
圍困我 笑也不會茶也不思
一個人 恍恍又惚惚
相愛的國度裏 沒有人居住

回憶混亂了我的腳步
阻礙了出路
證明了你的自私 你的貪圖
殘忍的看著我無助
平淡的回應我 虛假的無辜

痛徹心扉 記憶的傷一寸一寸
像你的冷酷
否定我 這些日子以來的付出
不能睡的痛楚 不知名的憤怒
不能上訴 只能安靜的痛哭...
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This is a new song from Nicholas Teo latest album,Only Nicholas.Like this song so much. =)
But just too bad cuz i don't understand Chinese.Some of the lyric i can't understand...Tried googled but cant really find a good translation yet.So..if anyone can provide me the meaning i will appreciate it very much.Thanks in advance. =) Btw,i've uploaded this song and click on the link below to download.Hope u'll like it.

P/S:Special thanks to wkhai,Yuki and Kylie who sent me the meaning of the Yue Ding song before. =)


Download >> 痛徹心扉 (A Wound In The Heart) - Nicholas 張棟樑